Came up negative. I got two of them, though. So this isn't the final answer. I took this test wayyyyy way early. Conception could have occurred as recently as Sunday the 9th. Yeah. So this was pretty much guaranteed to be negative. To be very sure. Like. TOTALLY sure, I should wait until mid to late September.

I won't say I'm thrilled to death that it came up negative. In all honesty, if I was pregnant, it would be okay. I'm lucky enough to be with someone who has a secure, well paying job to provide for pre natal care and the necessary baby supplies. And more importantly, he would be a fantastic daddy. He's a wonderful person. I don't want to say I was dreading being pregnant because I really believe if I got pregnant then I was supposed to get pregnant. I will say I'm relieved I won't have to quit school or compromise Brad's income, though.

So. I'm safe until further notice. Brad and I decided not to even try sex for a while. He said if we don't want to have a baby then we shouldn't be having sex. And as boring as that is, I can't argue

But hey there, sexually active teens! There are plenty of ways to have fun without risking pregnancy! You can read the bible together! Or share oatmeal! Or play monopoly! And then of course there is oral sex, fingering, foreplay, mutual masturbation, and so so much more. Or hey, why not go gay for a while? You may find you like it!!!

If you miss ONE pill, it is recommended that you wait a whole month to continue having sex without another form of protection.

You do not need to have penetrative sex to become pregnant.

Pre cum in the vaginal area can get you pregnant. (For the kiddos, pre cum is the clear stuff that comes out of a man's penis to help lubricate)

Essentially, you can be some people's definition of a virgin and still get pregnant.

Pregnancy tests can give false negatives for weeks.

To be safe, take a pregnancy test a week or so after your missed period!

My birth control pills are such that I only get my period four times a month.

I have to wait a month.

I might be pregnant.

Yesterday I went to the doctor to get some shots and a physical so I can move on campus this august.

I told her I had been suffering from Anorexia Nervosa.

Everything in my head screamed at me to stop. "No, don't tell the doctor! They'll monitor you! You won't be able to control your weight! That's the only control you have left!" But the louder my brain screamed the firmer my decision. I told her everything. And now I'm on watch.

I don't know where I got the strength to do it... To let go of that last bit of control I had over my life. But I did it. It was terrifying. It still is. You can't just take something like that back.

But then I got scared. I had NOTHING left to control. I didn't know what was going on with Brad, I couldn't make myself feel better by starving myself. So I decided to try to control him.

I pressed him SO hard to reject me. I laid it on him heavy. Even though it was the last thing I wanted in the world... My desire to control the situation at that moment outweighed my desire for him.

But he didn't bite! I pushed and pushed to get him to admit he didn't love me and never would. But he wouldn't budge. He said he couldn't tell me that because it wouldn't be true. He wants to wait. He wants to see where this goes. I talked to him about everything. I told him what everyone told me. How love cures commitment-phobia and all that. And he was so sweet and supportive through all of it. He isn't afraid of the commitment. He's just so used to a trend... A trend of going after the girl he wants and getting burned.

Of course I apologized profusely afterward. I hated myself for letting my desire for control influence my behavior. Especially towards him. But he wasn't mad! He said he WANTS me to get it off of my chest when I feel that way. He talked me through it and everything.

He says I'm close to bringing out that inner strength he sees in me. He was so proud of me for talking to the doctor and he was just great.

So, I'm feeling better about everything. Yesterday I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the first time in months.

I'm gonna win, guys. I found hope... I found strength... In him

You don't have to read this. It goes on and on.

You know, some days it gets so damn hard.
Yesterday I fasted. I went over 24 hours without eating. In that time I walked over 18 miles.

I'm falling back to the way things were.

My lowest point was 97 pounds. That's a BMI of 17.7. The minimum BMI to be considered healthy is 18.5. My goal at the time was 95. A BMI of 17.4... Over 10 points too low.

I started getting better and reached a normal weight. It makes me sick to say it, but I got all the way up to a sloppy, disgusting 115. That's not meant to be offensive to anyone who weighs that or more. It looks fine on you. Not me.

In a short amount of time I've gone from 115 to 106. 9 lbs. I can see the difference. My stomach is flat. Ribs still out of sight, but peeking out in the right position. Some people say it isn't a big difference. But when I gain or lose one pound I can see a HUGE difference.

I've found out that I do this to myself when I'm stressed. When I can't control the world around me, I control my internal world. I have the power to lose as much weight as I want and nobody can stop it but me. Ana is the only thing I have.

There is a boy. A handsome, sweet, incredibly intelligent boy. I adore him. Everything about him. He's so fun and romantic, passionate, strong, masculine. I love everything about him and I fall for him all over again every time we talk.

We went on a date and he spent the night. We messed around for a little bit and as we lay there together I was just so happy. Kissing him, holding him, stroking his face, playing with his hair. It was heaven. Then he whispered in my ear.

"I don't want to hurt you." I thought it was sweet and romantic. I've been hurt by everyone else. It was sweet. I kissed him and asked him why he would say something so silly. He said it again. Then he said, "I can't do this. It's not the right time." He went on to say he didn't know how he felt. In a week he might regret saying it, but at that moment he just couldn't have a relationship.

Suddenly he didn't want me to touch his face or hold his hand. None of it seems like a big deal, except for the fact that he was telling me everything he told me before that point was a lie. All of those promises of a future together... It all meant nothing.

So I started to panic, right there in his arms. It was so hard to breathe. My whole body tensed. I expected to burst into tears at any moment. I was an idiot. He was just like everyone else.

And then... "Breathe. Come on, breathe. You're alright. Breathe with me." He did breathing exercises with me. He rubbed my back and whispered to me. "You're okay. Yes you are. Breathe. Good girl. It's okay. Relax... Calm down. You're fine."

Nobody has ever. Ever. Held me when I was having an anxiety attack. He not only calmed me down, but he grabbed me a blanket and tucked me in. He held me all night. "I'll be right here. It's going to be okay." And he was there when I woke up.

He said there had to be something wrong with him because for years all he wanted was a relationship. And now that he was faced with one he didn't know what he wanted.

In the morning, it was like the conversation never happened. I made him breakfast. We hung out together. He picked me up and carried me around, twirled me around like we were kids. It was so fun. He was romantic. He let me lay down with him and play with his hair. He let me sit in his lap and face him while he kissed me down my neck. Everything was playful and romantic and passionate. It was like we were... together. At one point he asked me what I thought. After bantering for a little bit he asked me straight up what I thought about the conversation last night. I told him he could take all the time he needed. He laid on top of me for a while and let me hold him and it was just nice and great.

And now I'm home. And he's home. And I'm trying my best not to pressure him. He said he's afraid. He's been hurt as much as I have been... But I don't think he's afraid of us. I think he's just afraid of how I'll react when he finally rejects me. That's how I feel. But I don't know. How can he act SO sweet and SO loving and SO amazing if he doesn't want me? There's obviously attraction. We make each other laugh. When we're together everything seems wonderful. Then what is holding him back? Why doesn't he love me back...?

I'm still waiting to see what happens. He says he needs to figure things out. He really doesn't want to hurt me. I know that for a fact. But I feel like it's that fear and only that fear that is keeping him from telling me no.

But the point is... I can't control how he feels. I can't make him love me. I can't affect the outcome of this story. We might end up together, which is what I really want. We might not. Maybe I'll be in this limbo until he inevitably finds someone special enough to make him love them. Out of all the possibilities, only one won't beak my heart.

And I can't control it.

But I can control food.

And thus... My relapse.

Bored out of my mind. Now you can be too!

1. What is your DeviantArt name and what does it mean?
Nisi is a nickname of mine and Kai comes from the kais of dragonball z.

2. Why did you join this site?
I had great aspirations of actually posting things and drawing pictures for people... oh, to be young and foolish.

3. What fandom were you obsessed with when you joined?
Dragonball Z. Still

4. How many watchers are you currently watching now?
pffff. at least 100. There are so many great artists on here <3

5. Your first gift ever was to?
Ummmmmmmm. i can't even remember. did i ever give anyone a gift? ._.

6. List five things you are a fan of?
1) perfect cell
2) harley quinn
3) innagadadbz's stupid videos
4) high heels
5) anything cute!!!

8. List four people you look up to the most? (apparently no #7)
1) my brother chris (so smart with his freaking model wife. gahhh)
2) my big sister cheri
3) my buddy angie. i aspire to be as adorable as her
4) my friend tess, who is so smart and i luff her

9. How many pets do you own?
3

12. Name 3 aspects of your personality? (hey, let's disregard numbers!)
1) accepting
2) fun
3) paranoid ;_;

13. If you could had a power what would it be?
ability to fly. no question

14. Who was the last person you talked to?
my brother

15. Who was the last person you said "I love you" to?
i don't remember ._.

16. Write the first five things that pop into your head?
1) it's really dark in here
2) i wish my a key didn't get stuck all the time
3) dad better call me soon.
4) i'm gonna be so bored and lonely tonight.
5) i need to check facebook and see if dustin sent me my movies.

17. What are the things you wish you could do better?
lose weight
be confident
sing
draw
dance

18. Do you like who you are?
parts of me, yeah

19. Summer or winter?
summer

20. Rain or sun?
sun! rain scares me ;_;

21. List 2 odd things about yourself?
1) i turn into a puddle when i hear a russian accent
2) i can crack my elbows???

22. Pop or Hip hop?
depends on my mood

23. How many scars do you have?
none

24. Do you wear spiked wristbands, Collars & belts?
nope!

25. Do you own anything from Hot Topic?
some shirts and a pair of heels

26. Windows or Mac?
windows. i hate macs

27. Nyc Trpp or Lip Service?
huh?

28. Steak or Chicken?
no!!!

29. Favorite Color(s)?
pink forever!

30. Anime or Manga?
anime

31. Beer or wine?
neither. blech!

32. Goth or Emo?
oh man. goth girls and emo girls are effin hot. i don't even care.

33. How many pairs of shoes do you have?
a trillion!

34. What is the most amount alcohol you ever drank in one day?
:twitches at horribly formed question:
a sip

35. Cold or Hot?
hottt

36. Favorite pair of pants?
the ones i'm wearing now. low cut and slimming <3

37. Do you like your user name?
sure!

38. Have you tried any drugs?
nope

39. If you have? what drugs?
nopppppe

40. Do you have a myspace/Facebook page?
facebook

41. Pizza or Kebabs?
depends what kind of kebabs.

42. Are you are nice person?
yes i really am!!!

43. How old are you?
18

44. Spikes, studs or eyelets?
i don't know what eyelets are!

45. Do you like your music loud?
yes!

46. Kind hearted?
mhm

47. Holden or Ford?
holden caufield?

48. Annoying?
;_; gee i hope not

49. Do you like PLZ accounts?
plz? please?!

50. Do you own a car or motor bike?
car

51. Do you like The Presets?
what the heck is that?

52. Do you keep secrets?
yes i do! i'm very good at keeping secrets

53. Should they release criminals from jail if they have killed someone?
no.

54. Are you a liar?
no i am not

55. Have you tried to kill yourself before?
onwards!

56. Do you like your avatar?
i do. i love cell junior x3

57. Have you ever thought about killing someone?
yes > hahah

58. KFC, Subway, McDonalds, Red Lobster or Burger King?
omnomnomnom

59. Do you love yourself?
not as much as i should

60. Do you cut yourself?
not any more

61. Do you get depressed?
yes yes yes

62. Do you have many friends in real life?
yup ^^

63. Hardcore or Darkcore?
darkcore? wazzat?

64. Should stalkers get a second chance?
noooooo

65. Imports or muscle cars?
i hate these stupid questions

66. Gay, Bi or Straight?
bi foreverrr

67. Do you get enough money each week?
no haha

68. Fast or slow music?
it really depends

69. Do you like that number?
no

70. Do you use XD and LOL alot?
yes xD lol

71. Should police mind their own business?
um, no. they sort of have job.

72. Do you have a boyfriend?
no ;_;

73. If so. Who?
nonnnne

74. What is your Favorite band(s)?
regina spektor

75. Baggy or tight pants?
tight. unless i'm going to bed. then i wear loose pjs and they are so comfy and i love them forever

76. How many T.Vs in your house?
lets see
working? two.

77. How many computers/Laptops in your house?
three

78. LCD or Plasma?
don't care!

79. Are you racist?
nooooo

80. What time is it now?
seven twenty-three

81. Should subbys be free?
subbys?

82. Are you a slow, Medium or a fast typer?
very fast. about 70wpm

83. Do you like quizes?
depends on what class.
...oh. you mean these.
i do if the questions are interesting. these are not. and yet i continue.

84. Do you buy stuff from those cheap Chinese shops?
what are you talking about?

85. Do you own any weapons?
nope

86. If so. What?
nooooooooooooo

87. How many speakers do you own?
none

89. Do you own a pair of boots?
no

90. What is the best thing in the world to you?
high heels.
i mean love!

91. What is your favorite Emoticon(s)?
x3

92. Do you like pie?
s'alright

93. Have you ever stayed up longer than 24 Hours?
probably not haha

94. Do you have any big brand name clothing?
yes. i love bebe

95. If so, what brands?
bebe haha

96. Can you handle the sound of loud cars or motorbikes?
if i must

97. Do you like kids?
YES! i love kids

98. Sonic The HedgeHog Or Miles Tails Prower?
hmmmm. tough choice

99. Eminem or 50 Cent?
eminem of course

100. Money or love?
love!

101. Are you random?
purple monkey dishwashesr

102. Can you sleep thru loud music?
if i'm very tired i suppose

103. Do you like where you live?
i hate this effing place. can't wait to movvve

104. Taxi or bus?
taxi. no wait bus! i don't know!

105. What time is it now?
seven twenty-six. why???

106. What do you feel like doing at the moment?
talking to someone fun! i'm so bored!

107. Do you go on YouTube alot?
so much more than i probably should

108. Are you are member of any other site besides this one?
yes

109. If so, what ones?
facebook youtube fanfiction.net bla bla bla

110. Are you glad this quiz is finished?
oh my god yes.

DONE?!?!